It has always been of my opinion that love is conditional. That we have to be good enough to make the ones we love happy, wise enough to make their lives meaningful in order to be loved in return. I think I am not good enough to contribute to their lives in great ways, and therefore unable to receive love in return. Likewise, the ones I love now hold a place in my heart because they contribute to my life. And I am not good enough for them. I try to tell myself that my concern for them is enough, but it is not. Not enough for me to be special enough to the two people I love the most.

But sometimes I find myself doing things for them unconditionally and I wonder, why do I worry so much about not being good enough to receive concern when maybe, they don't even need me to be good enough? But in the end I still worry.

I told my teacher I don't want to speak up and he got me to read a poem, with the following lines I remembered: "your playing small does not serve the world". And I remembered very clearly how it crossed my mind while I was waiting in line at the supermarket, knowing for sure what I must do and that I will try to make a difference and throw away the belief I can't/am not important enough to others.

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But I stand here, slightly defeated. Defeated? Maybe not, I didn't help much but I have tried and you know I have tried. And I care.